Life is more complicated for birth parents, adoptees and, adoptive parents because of relinquishment and adoption. Core issues of loss, grief, identity, rejection, loyalty, guilt, shame, fitting in, and intimacy are common for adoption triad members. It becomes even more painful when adoptees and birth parents feel isolated because they are treated “as if” relinquishment did not happen. Adoptive families are complicated because adoptive parents often do not know how to talk to their children about sensitive topics related to adoption. When adoption triad members are judged by others (community, family members, and mental health professionals) who do not understand, it can compound the hurt.
For some, relinquishment and adoption have been traumatizing. When trauma occurs, it leaves an imprint on an individual’s brain and body causing a person to view their world through the lens of trauma. Individuals who have experienced trauma often have a negative sense of self and can be easily triggered which complicates relationships. Understanding the impact of trauma on birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents and using trauma-informed techniques is key to helping individuals heal from trauma. If you are experiencing a difficult time because of relinquishment and adoption issues, then adoption counseling may be helpful to you. From the first conversation, Marie will listen to your story, feelings, and will work with you to develop a plan for how to improve your life.
With Marie’s office located on Colvin Avenue in Albany, NY, adoption counseling services can be a reasonable drive for individuals in Albany, Schenectady, Troy, or Saratoga counties. Visit the contact page to learn how easy it is to get to Marie’s office in Albany, NY. If you are not in the Albany, NY area, or unsure if you can get away to the office, then teletherapy may be an adoption counseling option for you. Teletherapy is only available to New York residents due to licensing regulations for clinical social workers. Consultation appointments are available to individuals outside New York.
Common Topics for Birth Parents in Adoption Counseling
I am thinking of contacting my child that I relinquished, and I would like some support.
My child was adopted, and I have never dealt with the grief. My self-worth is practically nonexistent.
I am in an adoption reunion with my adopted child that found me, and I am overwhelmed.
The shame, guilt, and stigma from relinquishing my child are still with me even though it has been years. I feel like I am reliving the trauma of my past.
My child lost to adoption is a secret no one knows. It is a burden to have no one to talk about the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.
There are obsessive qualities in my reunion relationship with my child and I don’t know what to do.
Common Topics for Adoptees in Adoption Counseling
I feel incomplete because I do not know anything about my birth family and early life.
I just contacted my birth relative and it is not what I envisioned the adoption reunion would be like. I think adoption reunion counseling could help because I am overwhelmed.
Now that I am an adult, I am aware of all I had to give up to be adopted. Why am I crying all the time?
I am sensitive to rejection and I overreact complicating my relationships. I am wondering if I have relinquishment trauma.
I feel white even though I am a person of color. I do not even know where to begin to identify as a person of color.
There are obsessive qualities in my reunion relationship with my birth relative and I don’t know what to do.
Common Topics for Adoptive Parents in Adoption Counseling
I am confused about how to explain my child’s difficult birth family history to them.
I need help to learn new parenting skills for my child who was adopted. My child is argumentative and is constantly pushing me away. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around them.
I am wondering if opening a closed adoption for my child is the right thing to do since my child is struggling with identity and other adoption issues.
My child’s birth parent contacted me, and I am unsure if the time is right to have an adoption reunion since my teenager is already having a difficult time.
We are a family with transracial adoption, and we do not know how to help our children to have a positive racial identity.
We have an open relationship with my child’s birth relatives, and it is extremely stressful. I am not sure what to do.
Adoption counseling is unique to each client. Counseling begins with clients describing their concerns and how their problems impact their lives. Clients are asked to define their goals which guide the counseling. Depending upon each client’s needs, Marie can provide psychoeducation on adoption issues and trauma, cognitive behavioral therapy, and trauma-informed therapies. Stress management techniques are taught during counseling. To learn more about these techniques visit Marie’s stress management techniques for healing trauma blog post . Adoption counseling can be individual, couples, or family counseling sessions. Click here for information on consultation appointments. In addition to working with adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents, counseling services are available to family members of adoption triad members and prospective adoptive parents.
Trauma-informed therapies are different than top-down talk only therapies which focus on helping individuals to think differently, learn new skills and problem solve. Trauma-informed therapy interventions focus on the goal of reducing trauma symptoms and reducing trauma’s impact on the brain and body. For clients with a diagnosis of a trauma disorder Marie uses the recommended 3 stage trauma treatment approach (3 stages of trauma treatment diagram below). The 3 stage trauma treatment approach works on helping clients with emotional dysregulation, identifying trauma symptoms and defenses before processing trauma memories.
Trauma-informed therapies Marie is trained in include the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, EMDR 2.0, and the Flash Technique. All of these trauma-informed therapies are strategic with not discussing the trauma in more detail than necessary. The focus is the symptoms associated with trauma, negative beliefs about oneself and the world and then work to help the brain/body adaptively reprocess the trauma and unprocessed memories so that the trauma is remembered without the symptoms. These therapy techniques are gentle so as to not retraumatize an individual. The Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy, EMDR 2.0 and, the Flash Technique are evidence-based treatments for trauma.
EMDR therapy is a multi-phase therapy using a unique clinical protocol that incorporates bilateral stimulation while clients briefly attune to aspects of a stressful/traumatic event allowing the brain to adaptively reprocess the trauma. The desensitization phase works by releasing information trapped in the unconscious part of the brain freeing people from disturbing images, body sensations, debilitating emotions, and restrictive beliefs resulting in a more adaptive memory circuitry that facilitates a present, more realistic, and healthier perspective. For individuals with a post-traumatic stress disorder, stage 1 of trauma treatment (safety, ability to manage emotions, identification of trauma symptoms and defenses) needs to be completed before the desensitization stage of EMDR.
The Emotional Freedom Technique, often referred to as tapping, works to bring down the intensity of thoughts, emotions, and memories. The Emotional Freedom Technique works by the counselor and client identifying negative feelings associated with an upsetting situation followed by tapping on acupressure points that help to reduce cortisol and make the issue less triggering.
Consultations are best suited for individuals who want help with a specific adoption issue impacting their lives without the time commitment of long-term adoption counseling. Consultation session are different from psychotherapy in that therapeutic interventions are not done. Rather, consultation appointments focus on a problem area and help clients develop a plan of how to move forward. This often includes psychoeducation on adoption and trauma, referrals to resources, and recommendations for reading.
To learn about Marie’s expertise, visit the about page of the website.
Adoption triad members wanting support on adoption issues in a group setting should visit the adoption support group webpage.
To learn more about Marie’s thoughts on adoption counseling issues visit Marie’s adoption blog.
