Life is more complicated for birth parents, adoptees and, adoptive parents because of relinquishment and adoption. Core issues of loss, grief, identity, rejection, loyalty, guilt, shame, fitting in, and intimacy are common for adoption triad members. It becomes even more painful when adoptees and birth parents feel isolated because they are treated “as if” relinquishment did not happen. Adoptive families are complicated because adoptive parents often do not know how to talk to their children about sensitive topics related to adoption. When adoption triad members are judged by others (community, family members, and mental health professionals) who do not understand, it can compound the hurt. For some, relinquishment and adoption have been traumatizing. When trauma occurs, it leaves an imprint on an individual’s brain and body causing a person to view their world through the lens of trauma. Individuals who have experienced trauma often have a negative sense of self and can be easily triggered which complicates relationships. Understanding the impact of trauma on birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents and using trauma-informed techniques is key to helping individuals heal from trauma. If you are experiencing a difficult time because of relinquishment and adoption issues, then adoption counseling may be helpful to you. With Marie’s office located on Colvin Avenue in Albany, NY, adoption counseling services can be a reasonable drive for individuals in Albany, Schenectady, Troy, or Saratoga counties. Visit the contact page to learn how easy it is to get to Marie’s office in Albany, NY. If you are not in the Albany, NY area, or unsure if you can get away to the office, then teletherapy may be an adoption counseling option for you. Teletherapy is only available to New York residents due to licensing regulations for clinical social workers.
From the first conversation, Marie will listen to your story, feelings, and will work with you to develop a plan for how to improve your life.
Common Topics for Birth Parents in Adoption Counseling
I am thinking of contacting my child that I relinquished, and I would like some support.
My child was adopted, and I have never dealt with the grief. My self-worth is practically nonexistent.
I am in an adoption reunion with my adopted child that found me, and I am overwhelmed.
The shame, guilt, and stigma from relinquishing my child are still with me even though it has been years. I feel like I am reliving the trauma of my past.
My child lost to adoption is a secret no one knows. It is a burden to have no one to talk about the most difficult thing I have ever experienced.
There are obsessive qualities in my reunion relationship with my child and I don’t know what to do.
Common Topics for Adoptees in Adoption Counseling
I feel incomplete because I do not know anything about my birth family and early life.
I just contacted my birth relative and it is not what I envisioned the adoption reunion would be like. I think adoption reunion counseling could help because I am overwhelmed.
Now that I am an adult, I am aware of all I had to give up to be adopted. Why am I crying all the time?
I am sensitive to rejection and I overreact complicating my relationships. I am wondering if I have relinquishment trauma.
I feel white even though I am a person of color. I do not even know where to begin to identify as a person of color.
There are obsessive qualities in my reunion relationship with my birth relative and I don’t know what to do.
Common Topics for Adoptive Parents in Adoption Counseling
I am confused about how to explain my child’s difficult birth family history to them.
I need help to learn new parenting skills for my child who was adopted. My child is argumentative and is constantly pushing me away. I feel like I am walking on eggshells around them.
I am wondering if opening a closed adoption for my child is the right thing to do since my child is struggling with identity and other adoption issues.
My child’s birth parent contacted me, and I am unsure if the time is right to have an adoption reunion since my teenager is already having a difficult time.
We are a family with transracial adoption, and we do not know how to help our children to have a positive racial identity.
We have an open relationship with my child’s birth relatives, and it is extremely stressful. I am not sure what to do.
In addition to working with adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents, counseling services are available to family members of adoption triad members and prospective adoptive parents.
Counseling begins with clients describing their concerns and how their problems are impacting their life. Together there will be an exploration of how family members, friends, and community have helped or made things more difficult. Then clients define their goals which guide the counseling as they seek relief from the issues that brought them to counseling.
Adoption counseling is unique to each client. Depending upon each client’s needs, Marie can provide psychoeducation on adoption issues and trauma, cognitive behavioral therapy, and trauma therapies -Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. Trauma therapies are different than traditional talk therapies in that traumatic experiences are not talked about in detail which can retraumatize a person by “lighting up” the memory of the traumatic event without resolution. EFT and EMDR therapies are strategic with not discussing the trauma in more detail than necessary. The focus is the symptoms associated with trauma, negative beliefs about oneself and the world and then work to help the brain/body adaptively reprocess the trauma and unprocessed memories so that the trauma is remembered without the symptoms. Both EFT and AF-EMDR are gentle so as to not retraumatize an individual. The Emotional Freedom Technique and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy are evidence-based treatments for trauma. Clients who feel past therapy did not help enough and feel stuck, may find EFT or EMDR the approach to help them reach their goals.
The Emotional Freedom Technique, often referred to as tapping, works to bring down the intensity of thoughts, emotions, and memories. The Emotional Freedom Technique works by the counselor and client identifying negative feelings associated with an upsetting situation followed by tapping on acupressure points that help to reduce cortisol and make the issue less triggering.
EMDR therapy is a multi-phase therapy using a unique clinical protocol that incorporates bilateral stimulation while clients briefly attune to aspects of a stressful/traumatic event allowing the brain to adaptively reprocess the event. The desensitization phase works by releasing information trapped in the unconscious part of the brain freeing people from disturbing images, body sensations, debilitating emotions, and restrictive beliefs resulting in a more adaptive memory circuitry that facilitates a present, more realistic, and healthier perspective.
Adoption counseling can be individual, couples, or family counseling sessions. Family therapy appointments can be with established family relationships or with new reunion relationships. If relatives cannot attend an in-person session, teletherapy may be an option if clients reside in New York.
Consultations are best suited for clients who want help with a specific adoption issue impacting their lives without the time commitment of long-term adoption counseling. Consultation appointments can be flexible to be one appointment or a series of appointments. Prospective adoptive parents nervous about adopting and adoption home studies can use consultation sessions to learn more about adoption complexities. A major difference between counseling and consultations is counseling starts with a lengthier assessment process for more complex adoption/trauma issues. Consultation sessions have a short assessment in the initial session and are more focused on one specific adoption issue.
To learn about Marie’s expertise, visit the about page of the website.
Adoption triad members wanting support on adoption issues in a group setting should visit the adoption support group webpage.